Reflecting On My Reflections

 Making the decision to look after myself...

Last week was quite a week. I experienced the whole gamut of emotions on a daily basis.  In fact, I experienced the whole gamut of emotions hourly! By 4.15 on Thursday afternoon, I’d had enough, I was close to tears. I was done. I was a spent force.  I wanted to stop the roundabout and get off. I wanted to scream and I was very angry inside. Whilst driving home,  frustration trickled down my face...

As I walked in to the house, my poor husband got the brunt of my emotional turmoil. A tirade of  verbal abuse assaulted his ears - the poor man had just come home from working in London. He wanted a smile, a kiss and a cuddle. Instead, he was greeted by a rather dishevelled, red faced, Tasmanian devil. He was crestfallen: I was a fierce ball of hormonal rage! 

After a while, the anger faded and I morphed back to myself; his wife was back in the room...I gently bestowed a kiss on my love. 

Later on that evening, when MasterChef had soothed the savage beast to a mild mannered grandma once more, I reflected - I realised I need to make changes and give myself a bloody break! I want to see my daughter complete her GCSEs, graduate from university, get married.....have her own babies.  I realised if I continued to try to please everyone and make everyone happy, at the expense of my own health and well-being, I’d be looking down from heaven with a heavy heart. 

I know death is inevitable but I’m going to stop digging my own grave. 

Friday morning saw me drive to work with a smile on my face.  I had a job to do and I did it well. I love my job!  However, when the clock struck 12.15, I downed tools. I had a 20 minute lunch break and a catch-up with my friend and colleague. Now 20 minutes seems like a pathetic excuse for a lunch break but it was an absolute delight. An albatross: a very rare bird indeed! The albatross will be a frequent visitor in my life hence forward! I aspire to take 45 minutes for my lunch. 

As I left work on Friday, I smiled and gave myself a pat on the back. I had successfully completed the last minute tasks that had been bestowed on me; I had planned a lesson and I’d even managed to mark some assessments. Go me! What a happy and productive day! 

I will continue to give 110% because I’m a 110% kind of gal; but, I’m going to take care of me in a 110% kind of way too. I do my best at work and that is enough....I have nothing to prove. 

I am good enough...

Now pass me the SlimmingWorld handbook

and a lettuce leaf...

😊